Columbia Rant 2.

My new favorite professor:
"Please turn off your cell phones. Your drug dealer can wait til after class."
"Philosophy, believe it or not, is much more complex than sitting around the bong and accepting each others' opinions."
"You have two free excused absences. So for whatever reason you can't make it--if you're hungover at this time of day..."
"I won't buy the death of a grandparent excuse. I had a student last semester who had 12 grandparents die."
Speaking on the way he grades: "I really only put this in the syllabus for my DePaul students who have never received a B in their lives. I don't think anyone in this room hasn't received a grade under an A."
"Don't plagiarize. If it's three in the morning and you have a paper due the next day, and you're out of weed, please call me. I'll talk you down."

Etc, etc, etc. Quips about us dropping out. More quips about drug use.

I was one of the only ones laughing. Where's the school pride, fellow students? We are auto-acceptance. We are artbags. We are incapable of work that we cannot pry out of our asses.
We are Columbia!

There was an overbearing stench of cigarette smoke this evening. And not from people's clothing. It didn't drift in until the of middle class. And it certainly wasn't from the street. We were on the 14th floor. Somewhere in a Columbia building some badass don't-give-a-fuck, underpaid professor was presumably allowing his students to smoke in class. Kind of like how my friend's professor allowed him to take a bottle of vodka to class at nine in the morning last semester.

And I'm not going to lie. It may not be as much of a novelty now, but the novelty is still there. The ridiculous bullshit still humors me and caters to my half-assed attitude about academics.

I should stop being so bitter. It's Thirsty Thursday, and you can bet two in three Columbia students will be drinking this evening, regardless of whether or not they have class at nine tomorrow.

Now I'm off to be typical. Off to hit the box and chain smoke in a student residency bathroom and talk shit on other Columbia students, who are hopefully talking shit on me.

FUCK the secret

just because you physically tell your boobish self in the mirror that you are going to be a famous actor one day DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL BE THE NEXT JOHN GOODMAN PIECE OF SHIT.

just because you make a compositionless poster-board with incompetent little cutouts of gold watches and title it "MY VISION BOARD" DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL.


you are hopeless, you are garbage, you are a parasite.
infact I'm going to make a VISION BOARD with all of you cocksuckers cutting off your dicks.

GOD BLESS. 666

Oueeeeeeiii Ahhhhhoooouuuu.

No words.

This man doused his two sons in gasoline and lit them on fire.

I h8 horse loving fggts.

"Oh my god. Horses are, like, sooo gorgeous. They are such graceful creatures!"




Really? Fuck you, horse lovers.

The most unnerving scheme.

Clink, clink, clink. Cough, cough, cough. - w4m - 21
Desperately broke girl seeking cigarette daddy to purchase some form of tobacco (preferably Parliaments, but will settle for Buggler) to aid in efforts of homework procrastination and lung cancer development.

I'm cute. I promise.

-----

Well..
Still looking for?

-----

Oh, most definitely. But I think my ad gave people the impression that
I am going to put out for some smokes. I'm not quite that desperate,
you know? But certainly if you're interested in a no strings attached
act of kindness, I'd be grateful. There really is nothing in it for
the person buying except an awkward conversation with a stranger and a
good anecdote.

-----

Silly Girl..
Ok.. What you want to do now?
Where are you? I'm in north.. But If you want I can get down there..

-----

Ah. See, this whole scheme kind of makes me feel like a bad person,
but for you to come all the way down to the South Loop would make me
feel really bad! But if you really want to, I'm really close to both
Library and Jackson stops, which are both really close to either the
7-11 on Van Buren or the 7-11 on State, depending on which line you're
coming from.

-----

Lol. OK..
What should I getting ready for you?
Let me have a list what do you need lol.
Gotto give me exactly location that I can pick you up or.. contact..

-----

All I want is a pack of Parliaments, or even just a bag of shitty Top
will work. I'm just literally down to my last dollar and last
cigarette. I'd prefer to get them from you in a public place--no
offense--like either the 7-11 on Dearborn and Van Buren or the 7-11 on
State in between Congress and Wabash. But just to make sure, you are
okay with JUST getting me cigarettes, right? We can smoke one
together, if you want, but afterwards, I have to get back to my
homework.

-----

It'll take an hour.. Fine?
Lol.. getting really bored & about to thinking about driving..
BTW,, How come you're so broke... to much shopping?
Lol.

-----

That works. Are you headed to the one on Van Buren or State? Also,
what do you look like, so I can have an idea when I see you?

I'm broke from excessive alcohol/cigarette purchases!

-----

Hey get me the location I can drop a pack of Cig. And maybe coffee?
Don't worry Just had a great sex with my GF,,, So I don't need it
tonight..lol.
Just getting bored.. and She is sleeping like a little baby.. So I'm not to
trying wake her up.
So best thing is driving around or chat..

lol.. Girl We are not dating..
Ok Anyway.. Asian male / 39 yrs old..
I'm driving Sand color FJ Cruser..
Call me about 30 min later..
I will pickup a pack of Cig.for you..
On my way..
I gotto make quick trip So I can go to work at morning..
^^
Oh,, My Cell..847-***-****
Mtw.. Call me atleast 30 min later.
I will need plug in my car chager..
See Ya.

-----

Wait, but to be clear, just smokes, right? I'm sorry. I appreciate the
generosity, but I really don't intend to hang out tonight. I'm tired
and have a lot of homework to do. I'll give you a call in a little
bit.

-----

He picked me up on State, handed me two packs of Parliaments, and then dropped me off on Wabash.

True story.

EYECONTACT EYECONTACT EYECONTACT SEX

Currently finagling a dyad of demoiselles with my thesaurus prose--arch.

I'm the crypticteur. Bow to me, strumpets, for I am puissant.

[Something, something alluding to the flavor of the week.]